The newborn refused to settle and cried like a crazed beast, stopping only to sleep for 10 minute intervals, burp like a swearing drunken navvy, or breastfeed like a frenzied piglet. All night. I mean, all fracking night.
My memory shudders at the sound of snorting and fussing and biting and gulping still echoing in my addled brain. Not for my newborns the idyllic mother child bonding experience of breastfeeding, softly suckling like a Mothercare ad, oh no. Like his brother before him he's a full on fussy squirming biting down sucking machine.
Now, of course, reassured that somehow, somewhere in the world at large I am definitely awake, he snores softly in his car seat. I've been told to take it as a compliment - he's waiting for sundown to get me to himself. He doesn't seem to be that into me as he shouts into my stupid fat face as I fumble through the motions of teaching him to settle, mind. But I guess he can rest assured. No lions will get you, little one, I am awake and ready to fight them. And I always will be, actually, however hacked off I get with walking round like a deranged zombie.